This pandemic is my teacher

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Lavender sky. Bridge and gate to the olive grove. I woke up yesterday morning with my stomach in knots. I went straight to my phone and started obsessively checking the latest news on this horrible global pandemic. Big mistake. I couldn’t stop. I even forgot to make coffee. You know things are bad if I forget my morning coffee.

COVID-19 is scary. It’s like we’ve all been trapped inside some evil writer’s terrifying sci-fi novel, and we can’t get out. (Never trust those writer types.) Of course, we’re all dealing with it in different ways—from humor to fear, from denying it’s a problem to getting our knickers in a multinational twist.

Yesterday morning, when I woke up obsessing about the news, I quickly spiraled down into fear and anxiety. Honestly, things aren’t even that bad in New Zealand yet, but that doesn’t matter.

Lavender sky. Cattle grazing.
Cattle grazing (click to enlarge)

I’m worried about people I love overseas. I’m worried about my mom in Michigan, who is at risk because of her age and her asthma. I’m worried about Aunt Charlie living on her own in Iowa City. I’m worried about my nieces and nephews who are coming of age in a world gone mad. I’m worried about CJ, who is in NYC right now visiting Uncle Oscar. I’m worried about Uncle Oscar! Heck, I’m worried about buying groceries! I’m worried about running out of pig feed! I’m worried about my friends who are worrying too much!!

I’m just worried.

Lavender morning

So, I set down my phone and I went for a walk, out into the early morning. I went looking for stillness. From time to time, we all have to unplug and return to tranquility, to seek the quiet in the middle of this chaos. We have to take a stroll and look at the cattle grazing and the light from the sun just about to come up over the edge of the horizon. We have to stop and notice all that lavender and gold in the sky.

No matter what’s around you, there are things for you to notice, things that can take you out of yourself and give you peace.

Then, as I was walking through those incredible colors (no filter on these photos of my walk, by the way), I realised something. And that realization sort of shocked me.

This pandemic is my teacher.

Learning a new skill

This coronavirus pandemic requires us all to develop a new skill—or for some of us, to improve a skill we might already have. It is a very, very important skill. It will help us not just with this current global crisis, but with ‘Capital L’ Life. What is that skill?

Lavender sky. Olive trees.
Olive trees (click to enlarge)

We have to learn to accept uncertainty.

“No!” you say. “I hate uncertainty! I will never accept it! I will conquer all unpredictability! I will make everything very, very certain!”

Well, good luck with that.

There is so much here we can’t control, and we have to come to terms with that. There is no other way. Yes, we can do some things. We can stop shaking hands and hugging friends (sigh). We can avoid crowds. We can WASH OUR HANDS. And while those things are all important and necessary, still there is no controlling the world. Things are changing by the day, by the hour, by the minute. New borders are closing, new places are going into lockdown. It’s overwhelming.

It’s proven that people get less stressed knowing something bad is going to happen than not knowing whether or not it will happen. In 2016, a study from University College London showed this. In a game, people got slightly painful shocks to their hands. They were less stressed when they knew they were going to get shocked than when they didn’t know what would happen. It wasn’t the shock that was scary. It was the not knowing.

Humans hate uncertainty. Hello, coronavirus and global pandemic! How uncertain you are!

Rolling with uncertainty

So how do we learn to accept uncertainty? I went looking for help online. Anxiety Canada has a great exercise. We need to learn to R.O.L.L. with uncertainty.

Here’s my take on their steps:

  • Recognize: Acknowledge how all this ambiguity is freaking you out. Admit it. It’s okay.
  • Observe: What are you feeling? Just watch your emotions for a little while. How do they feel in your body? Pressure on your chest? Headache? Heart racing? And what are you thinking? Don’t get caught up with your thoughts, just watch them. Use this sentence, “I’m having the thought that…” Doing this gives you distance from the thought, and it helps you to step back and observe it. It makes the thought less powerful.
  • Let go, Let go: Let go of your need for certainty. It’s never going to happen. Accept all the ambiguity. It will be with us for a long time. Try saying these lines from Anxiety Canada: “My need for certainty cannot be satisfied no matter what I do. Uncertainty is part of life and I will accept it. I will let my need for certainty go.” Try writing that down on a piece of paper and carrying it with you. Do whatever it takes, but let it go. (Cue the Disney song!)
Lavender sky. Paddock with hills beyond.
Bottom paddock (click to enlarge)

None of us will get this exercise right the first time, or the second, or the third. Learning to accept uncertainty is a skill, and (surprise!) skills take time to develop and lots of practice.

So, here is this global pandemic, our teacher, at our doorstep. This is our opportunity to learn this new skill. It’ll help us so much, in so many ways, throughout life. The sooner we start practicing, the sooner we’ll get better at it. 🙂

How are you dealing with the uncertainty of this pandemic? Let me know in the comments below.

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67 thoughts on “This pandemic is my teacher”

    1. Perfect timing for ME!!! Living alone and seemingly flooded with worry right now, about all sorts of things- including a strange virus creature invading the Planet!!

    2. My life has always been uncertain, so this is nothing new!
      My issue right now, is not being able to buy toilet paper, or groceries, that is what is most upsetting to me!
      This virus, will run its course, as most do, but the memory of how people behaved(at least, here in the States), will not be soon forgotten!
      The uncertainty of human behavior, is what is most anxiety producing for me.

      1. People are scared. It’s like that line from ‘The Ocean at the End of the Lane’ by Neil Gaiman. “Oh, monsters are scared,” said Lettie. “That’s why they’re monsters.”

  3. Have just had playing for the rerthomes singing so took Jack (the dog, not my husband) for a walk to check the cows-(no image, sorry)-there they were on the hill paddock grazing peacefully. As per. There is much to be thankful for. Now to make Tim’s (the husband) coffee. Thanks Jared.

      1. I decided a couple of days ago, to go with the flow. The horses are still out in the paddock grazing, the cat is still lolling in the sun, and I have plenty of escapes in my books. Could be a lot worse. Stay cool everyone.

  5. Thanks for sharing this Jared. I too have that need for control and am working to realize that I’m going to have to deal with not having it.

    1. Yesterday I was very worried about everyone I loved including a dear granddaughter and nursing friends who are at the front lines. I was worried about food as I watched the grocery shelves empty. Today, however, I’m optimistic due to simply looking out my window, seeing a city worker ploughing a community garden in my park! As I walked along the river there were many people enjoying the outdoors! Springtime is coming! Hope!

  6. Awesome post, Jared. I’m in the middle of doing “21 Days of Abundance” with Deepak Chopra. Some amazing guided meditation and exercises. It’s helping me big time! Let me know if you would like a link Jared. Cheers, Steve

  7. Lovely post! I have taken to getting walks daily, looking around, taking a breath, and really noticing… noticing the cardinal, the sparkling water, and more. Brings peace. And yes, trying to grapple with the uncertainty. It’s very, very unsettling. Trying to find a balance.

  8. It’s been a crazy time here in SE Michigan. My only anxiety (I think only) is this March Madness withdrawal I’m feeling. Sue and I are dealing with all of this uncertainty although not liking it.
    We are blessed with good health (knocking on wood) and each other.
    The ability to connect with entertainment, news and with so many friends through this new technology is wonderful. Jared I do enjoy your writing and thoughts, all the way from around this globe.
    I’m inspired to get my camera out and get out to do some Coronavirus free activity out in the parks. ????

  9. Thank you Jared. Your post is insightful. My 30 year old son called me 3x today because the uncertainty of his work was overwhelming. I’ll share your words with him . Stay well

  10. Lovely words thanks Jared. I also had a similar moment a couple of days ago. I realised that, instead of living in the uncertain future, I need to live in the present moment, today. It’s a very good place to be. And that realisation has helped a lot since then. I have also recognised all the things I am grateful for, and there are many. Thanks for your wisdom, which I am also grateful for.

    1. Ah, yes. That old chestnut… the present moment. One reason I love the poem ‘The Peace of Wild Things’ by Wendell Berry is because of a great line about animals not thinking ahead to the future. Berry says wild things, “do not tax their lives with forethought of grief”. Good stuff, that. The full poem is here: https://onbeing.org/poetry/the-peace-of-wild-things/

      1. I just discovered your book and thoroughly enjoyed it. You are the second person to recommend The Peace of Wild Things during these times. We are lucky to be able to self isolate on our daylily farm, Lily Hill, and farm chores keep me sane!

  11. Beautiful Jared. I visualize CJ winging his way home through the lavender sky. My main attitude is of curiosity and wonder. I wonder if civilization will mature with these challenges. I am curious as to how it will all pan out. I wonder if I should make a video about alternatives to toilet paper (such as beech leaves which are soft and waiting on the trees, here where it is spring). Yes, let’s keep walking outdoors, those of us who don’t live in crowded areas. And I don’t want to forget to smile!

    1. Berry, if you make that video about natural alternatives to toilet paper, that means you’d have to do a lot of testing to have an informed opinion! I’ll leave that one to you. 🙂

  12. Thank you, Jared! I enjoy all of your posts, whenever they may appear (-: However, I think that the wisdom in this one is going to be very helpful to many people who read it. So thank you for sharing your journey through this. I find inspiration in how so many people are reaching out to support others in whatever ways they can.

    Inspired by those actions, I am offering folks a gift of audio stories that they and their animals can listen to together about animals as friends, teachers, healers and guides. I’d like to share them with you in gratitude for your gift: https://reikishamanic.com/2017/06/03/animal-audio-stories/

    This offer is not intended to be self-promotional, but if it does not feel appropriate, I will not be offended if you take it down.

    Best wishes to you and all your loved ones!

  13. Awesome, thankyou for sharing,it is comforting knowing we are all in this together,some more so than others,however seeing in print other people are also in a state of uncertainty and we can share and help is great.It is so important we can have quiet moments to see and remember the world is beautiful.

    1. It’s like that line from the poem Desiderata, which I love. “With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” 🙂

  14. Oh Jared! I woke up exactly the same way yesterday. I had panic shopped all weekend. Had everything I needed, and then I remembered ham. I need ham! Crackers! I need crackers! Whiskey! They may run out of whiskey. I need whiskey!
    I found it all. I got it all. And then the panic set in. It was a knot in the center of my body right under my rib cage. I woke up less stressed today, but I can still feel it lingering. And now I’m responsible for homeschooling! Ugh! I’ll try to remember your words and try to calm myself as those feeling arise next time.
    Thanks so much!

    1. Well thank goodness you got the whiskey! Ham schmam! You know what Mark Twain said about whiskey: “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”

  15. Being in that at-risk category and trying really hard to self-quarantine in southern Indiana, I reached into past experiences of anxiety in my life and have turned my attention to reading, not serious or nonfiction (sorry Jared), but humorous mystery series – ones with lots of books and lots of laughter. Janet Evanovich got me through my Mother’s bad stroke, Elizabeth Peter’s Amelia Peabody’s books through the death of my father, this time I’m ready Jana DeLeon’s Miss Fortune series. Reading these books one right after the other permits me to see the humor in life and realize that the unexpected is going to happen. I only watch the news once or twice a day – not 24/7.

    As a diabetic, I already have my sick kit together and it was refreshed in January, so I have lots of Gatorade, my aspirin, lots of soup, meds, etc. to last me two weeks or more. As a retiree, I changed my purchase habits to buying the largest containers of toilet paper/paper towels/kleenex every other month and stockpiling the left overs. The opposite months I purchase meat/chicken/pork on sale (we have a store that on Friday the 13th of any month has a bulk meat sale) enough to make up freezer dinners and have enough to feed me for 4 to 5 weeks if needed. In those initial days of panic when everyone was rushing to the grocery, I also fed into the anxiety and then realized, I didn’t need to be anxious, I had my preparation done, was up to date on shots and would hopefully not attract the Corvid 19.

    More attention arrived yesterday with the first reported case in my county and across the river in Kentucky there are far more cases, but giving into panic would only lead me into doing something stupid. So I’m at home, reading email twice a day, getting through one of the books in the series a day, and taking time to call my elderly neighbors and other friends to discuss the trivia of the day – not the latest news flash. These calls, the books, and knowing that I’ve prepared are all parts of my way of keeping anxiety at bay, that and breathing deeply.

    Best wishes to all of Jared’s fans.

    1. Hi Eden – Best of luck to you in self-quarantine in Indiana. Thank goodness for reading, right? Without it I would have lost my mind a long time ago. I do love that you’re already stocked up! They say the worst part of self-quarantine is being cut off, so I’m glad to hear you’re connecting to people. Hope it all goes well for you. Take care.

    2. Eden, Thank you for posting. My exact details are different, but emotions are the same. You might like Elizabeth Berg’s novels . . . she tackles difficult subjects with such decency. Her fictional characters are so lovable, I want them as my neighbors. Another Eejoyable series: Rita Mae Brown & Sneaky Pie Brown = cozy mysteries. I know you didn’t ask for book recommendations. It just occurred me to mention these.

  16. My husband and I are probably high risk, given our age, but aim to be low risk as we are able to stay put and isolate ourselves. We’re grateful for our garden and a house with a view and intend to sit tight and hope that the virus passes by and overlooks us. It’s important to stay calm as no amount of stress is going to change the outcome. Wash your hands, stay out of crowds and if you’re given to anxiety, keep yourself busy.

    My husband doesn’t know it yet, but he gets to re-tile the bathroom with the new tiles we bought months ago! That should keep his mind off the corona virus.

    1. Haha. Your husband won’t have time to have any anxiety at all! Your situation sounds lovely. God bless you both and I hope the virus just keeps on walking past your door and doesn’t even say ‘hi’.

  17. I enjoyed the article and subscribed for more. I loved the beautiful pictures. They are as good for the soul as the words.
    Being almost 74 with 3 serious medical conditions you won’t have to worry that I might show up at your farm to see for myself lol!
    I was directed to your article on Facebook news feed by a Red Hat friend who knows your Mother. I am very happy that I saw it.
    One comment on reaction to the pandemic, I have discovered that as I have gotten older I become much less worried and anxious maybe because I have lived through I number of difficulties but I think it may be that I keep saying what my Mother said to me so often:
    “this too shall pass. “

    1. Thanks for your kind words, Docia. Red Hats are the best. 🙂 I hope I become less worried and anxious as I get older as well! Wise words from your mother. All the best.

  18. Hello world from the American epicenter. I work less than 10 miles from Life Care Center in Kirkland Washington. As a librarian, it was hard for me to unclench my fists from the daily routines of my work: reaching out to people, drawing them into my library, going into the community and bringing books with me to schools, homeless encampments, recreation centers and parks. A-a-a-a-and it’s all shut down now. All I can do now, literally, is to tend my own garden and hope for the best. So, I planted peas and potatoes yesterday, as one does on St. Patrick’s Day, and I feel my hope rising, slowly.

    We’ve been blessed with unusually sunny weather since the state governor started shutting things down. Normally these weeks would still be grey and wet, but there’s actually been blue sky. Still not huge crowds of folk on the trails where I ride my horse, but there were four rigs at the trailhead on a Tuesday, and that’s a start.

    Letting go is hard. It’s really, really hard. When we finally do, it gives us time and space to remember what’s still here after we’ve let go. I have my family (still safe so far), my horse (an excellent companion), the garden (it’s getting a lot of attention this year), and plenty of trails to explore. I am fortunate, and grateful for the reminders.

    Take care, Jared and all the rest of y’all. Winter is coming for you in NZ, literally, but I promise: spring is coming too.

    1. Hi Aarene – Nice to hear of your trail riding and gardening. It’s good to know these things continue, even at the US epicenter. Scary. Hope you and yours stay safe and healthy. This morning I’m stewing plums. 🙂 All the best!

  19. As always, I’m so inspired when I read one of your blogs. Thank you for you’re beautiful words.
    We just returned to our home in Canada from our winter away in South Carolina – 2 weeks earlier than we had planned but c’est la vie. Small potatoes in the big picture of what’s happening.
    We are we’ll stocked with jigsaw puzzles, good books, movies to watch on Netflix, and lots of bird seed for my lovely backyard creatures. So life is good!
    Here’s to healthy, happier days ahead.

    1. Great things to stock up on. Did you panic buy puzzles and bird seed? 🙂 All the best to you!

  20. Thank you it is great to hear from you, and how you are coping and everyone who has replied, I hope your family and friends stay safe. The best and the worst comes out in people at times like this, I would rather be home in NZ with my family but will check in with them more often and that’s always a good thing. I’m grateful to live in the neighborhood I do in San Diego, we are all checking in with each other and helping out where we can. Yesterday I was at Trader Joes, a smallish grocery store, they were only letting in 10 people at a time, gave us each a spritz of hand sanitizer and as we left the store offered us flowers for free, I came home with a bunch of beautiful lilies. I envy you the beautiful NZ countryside to walk in but when it stops raining we will be out for a walk here. Stay safe everyone

    1. How lucky you are to live in a place where people check on neighbors. That doesn’t always happen. Hand sanitizer and flowers?! I want to shop there. Take care and wash your hands! 🙂

  21. Jared. I love the line that “uncertainty is a part of life.” You’re right we all have to accept it. Okay but did I miss the meaning for the second “L?” R=Recognize, O=Observe, L=Let it go. L=????. Guess I can’t let it go.

    1. Marianne, I tripped on the same thing, went to the original link and THEY don’t have a second L either. Maybe it’s a silent letter 🙂

      1. Marianne and Aarene — I know, right? It tripped me up originally too, as it’s the original doesn’t have a second ‘L’ either. So I fixed it! Given that the ‘letting go’ is the hardest part, I’ve updated my blog post so the last step is now, ‘Let go, Let go’. Sorted! 🙂

  22. Thx Jared. I’m going for a walk – it’s a nice day here in Nevada! Stay well.

  23. Hi Jared, thank you for thinking and writing. I think that writers are that category of ‘essential services’ in these times. Well perhaps in all times but especially now. So please imagine and re-imagine our world. How is it actually and how will it be? I want to know.

    1. If my imagination were in charge, these terrible times will cause a heart change in the world and make things much better in the long term. Fingers crossed.

      1. I prefer your imagination to mine! Or Omar El Akkad’s imagination in ‘American War’. Did you read his novel? He seems to have been uncannily prescient given the current situation. I can actually see the US fracturing in just the way he describes. I don’t want to but I can’t help it. So happy to be a New Zealander now!

        Oh, and I want to suggest a line for a future book (did I make this one up or did I hear it somewhere? Not sure) – “he was born under a Covid moon”. To be used instead of “born under a dark moon”.

  24. I was meditating last night and all of a sudden I saw and felt a lavender light washing over me. It happened again this morning.
    I can’t walk anywhere but my apartment right now but I can recall walking out to feed the pigs and the chickens. I can recall walking through the garden, into the grove, past the raspberry bushes and to the stream. I can feel the soft stones on my feet and cool water rushing over them, splashing my ankles.

  25. Pingback: What I’m doing to stay sane - Jared Gulian

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